1. There is nothing at all to see or do here. It is all very dull and uninteresting.
2. We have 2 National Parks and they are all very boring and full of scary butterflies. There are really hard hiking trails which may be too hard for you & not rewarding at all.
3. We have 180 km of coastline, with uninteresting sandy bays & deep blue sea & wild mussels who live here because the sea is too clean.
4. We have over 500 dreary piazzas which are very old and full of history.
5. Our food is natural & very local – you probably won’t like it so better bring your own.
6. We have 200 churches which are mainly Romanesque architecture, so very ancient. There are also 183 religious shrines. Who wants to see these?
7. We even have skiing in the winter where there may be lots of cold snow.
8. We have lots of festivals which can be noisy & very colourful & people may have fun.
9. There are hilltop towns all over the place and they are historic and tedious.
10. We are famous for our smelly white & black truffles & lots of them – yuk!
11. Our towns have steep cobbled streets & tiny alleyways to explore. You may get lost.
12. There are mediocre mountain views around every corner. Don’t bring your camera, its a waste of time.
13. Our delicious wine is far too cheap – you won’t like it. Our nasty Pecorino won the best in Italy 2014!
14. You can find wild mushrooms in the hills but its much more fun queuing for them in the supermarket.
15. In Autumn all the leaves go orange & brown & fall off the trees. You should miss this, it looks terrible, just like in America.
16. Our delicious local pizzas are some of the best in the world & will make you put on weight.
17. Our Sibillini National Park has a lake full of creatures you will only find here. Nowhere else in the world.
18. We have over 1000 important monuments. Far too many too see.
19. We have so much wildlife and beautiful creatures. You wouldn’t want to meet any of those.
20. Our unspoilt, rolling hills are full of nasty yellow sunflowers.
21. We have lots of cafes to relax in and waste hours of your precious holiday time.
22. You can eat ugly looking seafood whist looking down on the stunning blue waters.
23. We have many wineries serving our terrible Marche wine & you can go and have a tasting if you are brave enough.
24. Our lakes are deep & kayaking amongst the peace & tranquillity can be scary.
25. Our 72 historic theatres are usually small & intimate & don’t hold many people.
26. Our Churches are full of old crumbly paintings which have no historical interest at all. Who has heard of Crivelli after all?
27. You would just hate to relax on one of our beautiful sandy beaches.
28. The Sferisterio in Macerata has many screechy operas & world famous men in tights doing ballet. You may want to avoid this.
29. If you have the misfortune of staying in the countryside, beware. The birdsong in the morning can be deafening. Make sure you bring your earplugs.
30. Don’t even think of coming to peaceful, unspoilt Le Marche. Its very quiet & we like it that way & its bound to be much better else where. But if you do dare risk it, check out MarcheOwnersDirect.com, where you can book your dreadful holiday directly with the caring owners and they help you make the most of this awful place!
Written by HideawayLeMarche.com Those terrible Hideaway farmhouse apartments ran by Mark & Sarah, in a lonely green valley surrounded by noisy birds.